Last week, I told those who are not married to start preparing for marriage. Prepare mentally, by knowing the conversations you should have before marriage and recognize the challenges you might experience with your future spouse. One of the challenges I mentioned was sexual intimacy. Now before you click the red X on your computer, hear me out. I understand that talking about sex can be scary, and for most people, it makes them quite uncomfortable, however, it is highly important. If it wasn't important, it wouldn't be as talked about.
Today, I want to make it clear that I will not be talking about sex in a vulgar way. Marital intimacy is private and highly cherished.
It is scientifically proven, that men have an innate sexual drive much stronger than women do. It has been this way ever since the creation of man. Because of this, many men are portrayed as "pigs". In a healthy, open, marital relationship, this "pig comparison" could not be further from the truth. The husband and the wife can work together to find what it best for each of them. It is vital to discuss together what each person needs. Why is it so important?
1. Sexual intimacy is uniting, both physically and emotionally.
2. When a husband focuses on his wife and the wife focuses on her husband during sexual intimacy, the best form of love making ensues.
3. Sexual intimacy will eventually lead to the birth of a child.
Discussing with your spouse each other's needs can help you to grow closer to each other. Remember when I wrote about marital satisfaction decreasing after the birth of each child? Once a baby is brought into a marriage, both lives will change forever. It is important to build your marital trust and love for each other as much as you can-- talking about intimacy and each others sexual needs will help to do just that.
Of course, having a healthy relationship is easier said than done. A specific study conducted by the Institute of Family Studies is proof that relationships aren't as strong as they once were. The study consisting of about 20,000 individuals, revealed that infidelity rates over the past 15 years have gone up by 20 to 28% for men and 5 to 15% for women. This is absolutely devastating.
You might ask, how did this happened?
Well, there are four types of infidelity that can occur.
The first is fantasy.
Media that depicts pornographic images creates an ideal- a fantasy. Romantic novels and movies, especially for women, can also skew the perception of what we think love or someone should be like.
Second is emotional or romantic infidelity.
This type of infidelity is when one person develops trust or becomes attached to someone other than their spouse in an emotional way.
Third, is visual infidelity.
This form of infidelity can be similar to that of fantasy. Video games can be a virtual form of personal pleasure and enjoyment. More than ever, it is easier to connect with other characters in a game and get to know them in a chat room-- doing this can lead someone down a very dangerous path.
The last form, is sexual.
Sexual infidelity is when a person has sexual relations with someone other than their spouse.
Technological advances have made it much easier for people to connect all around the world and to reconnect with "an old friend". While the intention might not be to cheat and while it may seem innocent, the point is: IT IS NOT YOUR SPOUSE.
Please be careful not to confide in someone who is not your spouse. Most infidelity starts out emotional and leads to much more.
Please keep these things in mind now and in your relationships:
If you can't do something with your spouse, don't do it.
If you do not want he/she to know, it probably shouldn't be something you should be doing.
If you find yourself excited to talk to a coworker of an opposite sex, evaluate your feelings.
Is this a violation of your marriage and your contract to each other?
Would this make your spouse jealous?
How would your spouse feel if he/she knew you were sharing emotional, personal information with someone other than them?
You guys, marriage is so precious. There is nothing that could be of more importance than marriage.
Talk to your spouse about everything. Talk about sex and your feelings. Talk about your emotions, your joys, your trials, your sadness. Talk to them. After all, they are the person you vowed to be with. Do everything in your power to create a close, warm, and safe marriage together.
Live happy,
Karlie
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