Nothing worth having comes easy. Throughout my life I have had the opportunity to witness a lot of marriages. I have seen the good and the bad. The fun and the scary. I have never been married myself, but the experiences I have gained throughout my life give me a sense of what I want a marriage to look like. I get that it is scary and unknown, but as I was thinking about what I could do to prepare now for marriage, I thought about my expectations. What did I think a happy marriage looked like? What did I see myself doing? How did I act? Would it be hard to acclimate to this new way of life? Would I be the perfect wife and have the perfect husband? Today, I'll tell you exactly what I think marriage should be like.
First, let's start off by looking at the dictionary meaning of the word marriage. The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines it as: "Being in the state of matrimony of or relating to marriage; united, joined. While I agree with this definition, I also think marriage is much much more.
Marriage is between a man and a woman.
It is feeling a mutual love and respect for someone you have committed to be with for forever. Marriage is hard, but it is worth it.
It is a forever friendship with someone who you can confide in. I believe there should be no secrecy in a marriage.
Marriage is a time where you learn a lot about yourself. You learn to put others needs above your own.
In marriage, no person is above the other. Too often, I see a spouse trying to assert their dominance over the other--YOU ARE A TEAM. STOP FIGHTING AGAINST EACH OTHER.
Marriage is laughter and joy. You get to experience so many wonderful things within marriage that can fill your life with love and happiness.
In marriage, you experience stress, trials, disagreements, pain, suffering, tears, and heartache. But you don't experience them alone.
I could go on and on about what I think marriage is, but I'll let you find your own thoughts and opinions on what marriage is to you. To whoever may be reading this, I urge you to do what I did above. Try to be realistic. Going into a marriage thinking it will be perfect will shock you when you realize it isn't as easy as you thought or hoped it would be.
How can you prepare yourself for the challenges of marriage? Well, let's imagine you are getting married in 5 months. What kind of trials do you think you'll encounter in the first month of marriage?
(In no specific order and not published research)
1. You will deal with the cleanliness of you or your spouse. Are you both messy? Is one clean, and the other messy?
2. Sleeping. Is snoring an issue? Do they hog blankets? Go to bed early/late?
3. Boundaries. Are there boundaries?
4. Finances. Do you have enough money? Are you both bad at finances? Is someone better at finances than the other? How will you budget?
5. Stresses. How will you deal with them? Will you fight and be frustrated with each other? How will you solve problems and issues together? Or will you do everything on your own?
6. Groceries. Do you eat different? Is cooking hard? Does only one person do this-- do you do it together?
7. Sexual Intimacy. Are there boundaries?
This obviously isn't everything that might occur within the first month of marriage... it is only a few. What kind of challenges do YOU think might happen in the first month of marriage? The first year?
Studies have shown, that patterns developed within the first year of marriage will carry throughout the marital life time. Wow. Does knowing this impact what you want for marriage? Before you marry someone you should have conversations about:
each others ideas on parenting
finances--what they are currently like-- how they think of money, etc
how to problem solve, what you will do as a couple
and each others values and hopes.
I cannot stress the importance of marriage. I cannot stress the importance of preparing for marriage. Marriage is essential. Marriage is more than just a piece of paper. After reading this blog post, if you still think it's just a piece of paper, go back and read it again.
There is one last thing I want to share with you. Children do not fix a marriage. Studies show that marital happiness goes down after having each kid. It does not mean that you are not happy. Kids are hard and they take a serious toll on the marital relationship. If you think having a child will somehow fix a struggling marriage, I urge you to rethink. The birth of a child is miraculous and the most wonderful thing on this earth. It is exciting--but it does not fix something that has needed mending for a long time.
Be careful with marriage. It is a sacred and a wonderful opportunity if you work together as husband and wife.
Marriage is the hardest thing you'll ever do, but by far, the most important!
live happy,
Karlie
First, let's start off by looking at the dictionary meaning of the word marriage. The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines it as: "Being in the state of matrimony of or relating to marriage; united, joined. While I agree with this definition, I also think marriage is much much more.
Marriage is between a man and a woman.
It is feeling a mutual love and respect for someone you have committed to be with for forever. Marriage is hard, but it is worth it.
It is a forever friendship with someone who you can confide in. I believe there should be no secrecy in a marriage.
Marriage is a time where you learn a lot about yourself. You learn to put others needs above your own.
In marriage, no person is above the other. Too often, I see a spouse trying to assert their dominance over the other--YOU ARE A TEAM. STOP FIGHTING AGAINST EACH OTHER.
Marriage is laughter and joy. You get to experience so many wonderful things within marriage that can fill your life with love and happiness.
In marriage, you experience stress, trials, disagreements, pain, suffering, tears, and heartache. But you don't experience them alone.
I could go on and on about what I think marriage is, but I'll let you find your own thoughts and opinions on what marriage is to you. To whoever may be reading this, I urge you to do what I did above. Try to be realistic. Going into a marriage thinking it will be perfect will shock you when you realize it isn't as easy as you thought or hoped it would be.
How can you prepare yourself for the challenges of marriage? Well, let's imagine you are getting married in 5 months. What kind of trials do you think you'll encounter in the first month of marriage?
(In no specific order and not published research)
1. You will deal with the cleanliness of you or your spouse. Are you both messy? Is one clean, and the other messy?
2. Sleeping. Is snoring an issue? Do they hog blankets? Go to bed early/late?
3. Boundaries. Are there boundaries?
4. Finances. Do you have enough money? Are you both bad at finances? Is someone better at finances than the other? How will you budget?
5. Stresses. How will you deal with them? Will you fight and be frustrated with each other? How will you solve problems and issues together? Or will you do everything on your own?
6. Groceries. Do you eat different? Is cooking hard? Does only one person do this-- do you do it together?
7. Sexual Intimacy. Are there boundaries?
This obviously isn't everything that might occur within the first month of marriage... it is only a few. What kind of challenges do YOU think might happen in the first month of marriage? The first year?
Studies have shown, that patterns developed within the first year of marriage will carry throughout the marital life time. Wow. Does knowing this impact what you want for marriage? Before you marry someone you should have conversations about:
each others ideas on parenting
finances--what they are currently like-- how they think of money, etc
how to problem solve, what you will do as a couple
and each others values and hopes.
I cannot stress the importance of marriage. I cannot stress the importance of preparing for marriage. Marriage is essential. Marriage is more than just a piece of paper. After reading this blog post, if you still think it's just a piece of paper, go back and read it again.
There is one last thing I want to share with you. Children do not fix a marriage. Studies show that marital happiness goes down after having each kid. It does not mean that you are not happy. Kids are hard and they take a serious toll on the marital relationship. If you think having a child will somehow fix a struggling marriage, I urge you to rethink. The birth of a child is miraculous and the most wonderful thing on this earth. It is exciting--but it does not fix something that has needed mending for a long time.
Be careful with marriage. It is a sacred and a wonderful opportunity if you work together as husband and wife.
Marriage is the hardest thing you'll ever do, but by far, the most important!
live happy,
Karlie
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